Sunday, September 1, 2013

And down went Alice after it...

" After years of expensive education, a car full of books and anticipation, I'm an expert on Shakespeare and that's a hell of a lot. But the world don't need scholars as much as I thought."
                                                         -Jamie Cullum from the song "Twentysomething"

It's Sunday, September 1st, 2013. My birthday Is December 6th. In exactly 95 days from now I will be thirty years of age. THIRTY! As in 3 in the tens place. Age never really used to mean that much to me. Just the odometer rolling over to another year. Turning 30, however, feels markedly different. It's as if your twenties are simply a decade long "Adulthood Orientation" and once you hit this magic number a myriad of proverbial clocks start ticking: Marriage. Career Advancements. Home buying. Having kids. Sending those kids to college. Retirement.

The thing about me though? I pretty much slept through orientation. I became a mother at 20. I stumbled through college. I graduated with an almost totally useless major. I've amassed major student loan debt. I couldn't find substantial work for years after graduating. I went through a series of bad relationships. I even had cancer for crying out loud!! I mean...What the F&8K man?? Where was I when all the good life stuff was being handed out??? I've been known to not be a complete idiot. I've been called cute by people outside of my immediate family. I'm usually nice to everyone. Never been in trouble with the law (so far). And yet here comes time telling me I have to start writing the next chapter when I've only just begun writing the last one. I never planned for this to happen.

But now I'm coming into a sobering realization. I never planned for these things to happen because...well...I never PLANNED. I've hardly ever had any clear goals...any driven purpose. I have never really been motivated to do or be anything. When people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up I could always give answers that sounded good: lawyer, stock broker, composer. And sure these were things I had SOME interest in. But once I started hearing about all that was entailed with learning the trades I got scared. Fear of failure begets fear of trying. I always took the simplest way out and it came back to bite me in the ass with razor sharp teeth.

With that being said my battleship, though it has taken on a lot a water, isn't completely sunk. I am learning to take responsibility for what got me here. And that is the purpose of me creating this blog. I'm using this to make myself accountable for the steps I'm taking to make things better and to keep a living record of my journey. I'm doing this to put stakes on my goals which in turn puts stakes on my learning process. Now if I fail to plan, I fail publicly. At least publicly to the extent of which others are actually reading this blog. Now don't be alarmed, I don't intend to be all business here. In between sharing the things I'm learning there's plenty of room for my usual randomness.

 I have discovered that I have 3 major passions in my life: music, food and personal finance. Although I know a lot of things about them I'm not an expert in any one subject but I'd like to be, as these are to tools I intend to use to get to where I want to be in life. Here I'll post about the books I'm reading, the software and websites I use, the new things I'm trying, and some of the ideas I'm tossing around. Anyone is welcome to join in on the conversation.

For all that changes in a person there are elements, usually good ones, that will always remain the same. My 30th birthday is fast approaching. But for the next 3 months and 5 days "I'm a twentysomething and I'll keep being me."


  1. Good job, ma'am. I don't write on my blog nearly as much as I should, i'm gonna try to get back to it. In the meantime, yours looks very promising so i'll try to keep up with reading it!

  2. Keep it up Ashley. I usually don't read many blogs but I do like the way you write. Don't worry about failing at anything. Starting with a goal is the hardest part, and you've already knocked that out. All downhill from here. :)