Greetings Monetary Minions!
We are deep in the thick of November; right at the doorstep
of the frivolous spending frenzy that is the holiday shopping season. Chances
are you are going to be giving or receiving some 74th edition of gadget when
the 75th edition came out only a week later. Or a 100 piece play set
that somehow seems to only have 99 pieces…the missing part essential to holding
the whole thing together. Or an appliance that you just know is broken even though you didn’t even begin to read the
instruction manual on how to turn it on. One way or another you’re going to
need help. In some shape or form you’re going to end up playing the customer
service game.
Now I know…you HATE dealing with customer service, right?
They don’t care….they don’t know anything…they’re just out to take my
money…blah-zay blah-zay blah! I will readily admit that there are tons of cases
where this holds true. However, as a frustrated customer service rep, I have to
tell you that we are not (always) the problem. Much of the consumer heartache
and pain comes from the consumers themselves by trying to buck the system and
make mountains out of mole hills. It’s always believed that the customer is
always right. I hold a different standard: THE CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS RIGHT…EXCEPT
WHEN THEY’RE WRONG. But fear not friends, consider this post to be the machete
you need to get through the customer service jungle.
1. Don’t be an ass.
You win more flies with honey. We
understand you’re upset. We understand something ain’t right. But calling in to
curse people out doesn’t make us motivated to help you more. If anything you
could be flagged as an abusive customer and no one will deal with you. We put
these things in your account notes, you know.
2.
DON’T BE
AN ASS.
It bears repeating. After our mandatory
greeting we will ask you what the problem is. What you say next is going to set
the tone for the entire call. If you go into the conversation with a
condescending or snippy rude attitude we will go into defense mode
automatically. It doesn’t mean we won’t help you…but the apprehension will be
unnecessarily high, which is something you especially don’t want if you want to
have some exceptions made for you.
3.
Don’t
just push zero to get to a “live person”.
The phone tree is there to make sure that
you get the correct person to assist you with your problem. I can’t tell you
how many times a customer explains to me that they have an Internet problem and
get mad at me for being a cable rep and have to get put back on hold to talk to
Internet. I didn’t push that button…you did.
4.
If I tell
you I can’t do something for you it’s not because I don’t want to…it’s because
I CAN’T!
You can’t blame McDonald’s for poor
customer service if you ask them for a taco and they don’t give you one. I once
had a customer who wanted to escalate to my supervisor because I couldn’t reset
her user name and password and she just couldn’t believe that I refused!! I fix
cable…that’s it! Not only that, she didn’t even have Internet service.
5. You don’t always need a supervisor.
In my experience the actual need for
supervisor intervention is quite rare. People think asking for a rep’s
supervisor is like tattling to their parents…but when you come on the line and
demand to speak to one it can delay your resolution. I don’t know about other
call centers, but if their supervisors are anything like mine they are going to
go through hell or high water to avoid taking that call anyway. And when they
DO take a call most of the time they only end up rehashing the same information
the rep gave them.
6. Don’t bog us down with unnecessary
information.
Don’t get me wrong, we’re not heartless
bastards. It’s just that we have metrics to meet. If it’s a slow day we don’t
mind making small talk. But on a day when we have calls coming in every 2
seconds we would much rather help you with your issue than to hear about your
cat named Capt. Fuzz Cheeks.
7.
Make sure
you have everything you need before you dial.
Again time is of the essence. Many agencies
have it in their policy to tell the customer to call back if they don’t have
all their stuff together or if the customer places the agent on hold for a
certain length of time. I know that this seems unfair, especially if you were
on hold for a long time. But look at it this way: You’re probably on hold
because the person before you had to go get their info. Also…and this is
crucial for any subscription service…make sure your bill is current.
8. Have a heart.
Many call centers are open 24X7X365. We
want to be able to spend time with our families on weekends or holidays but our
jobs dictate that it can’t always happen. Getting yelled at because you can’t
admit that you got in over your head by buying Little Timmy’s bike unassembled
should not be the highlight of someone’s Christmas.
9.
If I’m
asking you to do something…just do it.
I understand that there are some people who
are complete technophobes and would rather have other people just deal with the
problem. But there are people who shy away from doing the most simple tasks.
The conversation usually goes like this.
You: Which one it the power button?
Me: The one that says power.
You: This is too hard! Can’t you just send
a technician?
Me: It doesn’t require a tech. The box is
just off. Turn it on.
You: HOW?
Me: Push the red button.
You: I don’t know how to do that. When’s
the soonest you can have someone out?
I feel like Chris Tucker in Rush Hour; “PUSH THE GODDAMN BUTTON!!” It’s even worse if you’re the person
that lies about doing something. I love those conversations because I often end
up fixing their problem against their will and you can just hear the pride
swallowing on the other end.
10.
Be
reasonable.
It really grinds my gears when people have a
false sense of entitlement. It’s understandable to want to be reimbursed for
things you pay for that you aren’t able to use for their intended (keyword:
intended) purposes. It’s also understandable to want to pay a fair price or
lower for your goods and services. But when you get greedy you get rejected. An
agent who is actually doing their job will not give you a refund just because
you yell and scream. An agent that does makes it 10 times harder for everyone…including
you! You worry about your rates getting raised when in actuality the company is
sharing its business costs with you because no one wants to pay retail rates.
And the ones that demand a month’s worth of credit on a 15 minute service
outage are almost always the ones that demand a Dom Perrigon level of service on
a Pabst Blue Ribbon payment plan.
Feel free to add anything you think I may have left out.
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